Procrastination?… No, I'm thinking!

Why do today what you can put off til tomorrow!. All house is clean and tidied, drop files re-labelled and organised, I don't even have any marking to do really… and still I haven't started on my book. Really stumped. Thinking about it so much, trying to get my ideas together about what kids want to be reading about, what can inspire my protagonist  why someone would be against him, how much technology to use in the writing, as it's dated so quickly…… I guess there's a lot of background thought going on for my book and until I really know what it's going to be about and what the message I'm trying to get across is, it's pretty hard to get going. I think a lot of writers must have a dream or an opinion that they want to share. I'm not really there. Just know I want it to have some form of time travel and fantasy elements, mainly because that's what interests me. They say you should write about what you know - well I know about kids and teaching and schools, so that sort of steers me too. I know I want it to appeal to boys, but really, I know more about girls (my own,) so I'm still working through on that one.
I AM thinking, and there's a lot of thought going on. Don't beat yourself up girl, calling yourself a procrastinator…celebrate and be positive about the work going on in the old grey matter. It'll come together with a bit more thought and inspiration.
Now there's a rambling run of thoughts!

A Freshly Laundered Sky

It's funny when you find your inspiration from your 8 year old daughter. Makes you question your own sense of creativity, but I was quite taken by something daughter no 1 said yesterday.

We were driving along in the car, as she piped up from the back, "The sky is so blue and fresh, it looks like it's just come out of the washing machine."

Beautiful.

I guess it's the sort of  thing I encourage my students to come up with in our creative writing sessions. So simple, yet says so much.

If my eight year old can do it - sure as hell, so can I!

As I was considering the freedom of being able to write about anything I wanted and 'letting it flow,' I guess similar images were conjured in my mind. I saw an article recently about an artist who draws beautiful designs in a newly washed beach, spending  hours to create something incredible, only for it to be washed away again by the next tide.

http://www.viralnova.com/beach-art/

That beach, that 'clean page' is where I am now, yet feeling inspired to turn it into something beautiful with my own hand. And this is my space and this is my time.

The First 'Golden Day'

So I dropped off the kids and walking home, was filled with thoughts about what I wanted to achieve on this, my first Golden Day of the year. I coined the phrase "Golden Day' years ago when daughter No1 had her first day at Day Care. A Golden Day is one of those precious days when you're not working and have no kids to look after - so it's all about you.

My thoughts were flowing thick and fast…. about getting on the blog and writing my first 'proper' post of the year, taking out all the old notes I made years ago when I first felt I should get writing a children's' book, maybe even actually beginning the first chapter - letting it flow and see where it goes...

When I returned home, I thought about it while I was hanging out the washing, I thought really hard while I was vacuuming, thought long and hard while prepping the kids dinner for tonight, had ideas for inspirational photos whilst cleaning the bathrooms…..and then I sat down to start...

… and I'm left with an hour before they get home. But I've had lots of thoughts!

And oh, look - there's my post. Not quite what I had in mind, but it's a start!

So What's my Calling?

I've been quite despondent about myself. I look at other people who seem to have achieved so much: family, business, fame, sporting or arts prowess - and I feel inadequate. I feel like I've let myself down as there's no reason for me not having done more. Don't get me wrong - I have everything I could want and I'm really happy. I love Adrian to pieces, love my beautiful girls, love where I live, love my job. everything is perfect. Now I need to prove that I have something else to offer the world. 

So what will I excel at?

• I found the Olympics absolutely inspirational! The hours of practice and dedication the athletes show puts me to absolute shame. I've never excelled in any sport (unless you count the under 11s netball team!) but then, I've never excelled at putting in the time and effort (or the inclination!) I'm crap at exercise - do some every few months.... and finally at 42 have come to the realisation that I know I'll never be skinny and I'm beginning to be happy with the body I've got! It's only took 42 years!
• I have absolutely no inclination  to become a business entrepreneur - the thought horrifies me! Funny that I have NO drive to do this and the idea of anything financial make me run for the hills. I think my innate fear of financial comes from school. I was absent for the lesson on shares and taxes, never caught up, never 'got it' and now, point blank refuse to have anything to do with them and refuse to try to understand. (This is actually quite liberating and incitieful - I had no idea I felt so strongly, but every word is true!)
• Writing...Now this is my sticking point. I really WANT to do some writing. I enjoy doing it, I'm not bad at it, I feel I could do just as well as many of the authors whose books I read - but I've just never got 'round to it.' I have no excuses anymore, they're running lame (no time, young kids etc etc) I've had an idea for years...so why aren't I acting upon it?  No reasons Coll!

I've always (prided myself on?) being the jack of all trades, the king of none. This little saying was told to me when I was about 10. I remember thinking that one day I would be the 'King' of something. Now I wonder whether I really will and how I  feel if I accept that I'm not. I used to say I did a little bit of everything - drama, singing, sport, camping, hiking, gym, first aid, craft, art - and never got to the top at anything. I thought it was good to be an all-rounder; appropriate for primary teaching. And I've always been happy with this.

Do I want to excel at anything, or do I feel that I ought to want to - to leave my mark on life; a legacy; to make me unforgettable? I know I'll be unforgettable to the people that count. The one thing I feel I really have excelled at, is giving my family the love, skills and attention they need to help them to become happy, well-rounded people.

That's enough, isn't it? It is, it should be, so why the ramblings? Is there a hole unfilled? An itch unscratched? A dream left wanting....

Blog Envy

It's interesting, but I decided I wanted to write a blog to formalise my thoughts and give me 'somewhere' to think and yet, it's opened up much more to me. I've been looking around at other people's blogs - some are 'award winning' with hundreds of followers each day - and it made me consider just how many millions of people are out there, also wanting to have somewhere to write and have thinking 'space'.
What amazes me, is that so many of them seem really inciteful and have been established for years (I've only just learnt about them!) Moreso, millions of people subscribe, read and comment on them everyday.

How did I miss out on all this, where do people find the time??? They can't have jobs..... or kids, can they?

I feel really inspired by a blog I came across, (and subscribed to, read everyday and intend to comment on when I'm feeling brave enough!) It's "Wicked Whimsy" In it, she's cited some really interesting links about writing  and creativity, she's put a few in about her personal life and commented on things that are happening in the world that have interested or touched her.

Now I've got blog envy.

I want to be this exciting,  well-subscribed, frequent blogger with lots to say that's interesting to others. I even like her title!

I'm being very positive. I'm going to keep reading what she has to say, feed off it, and hopefully be further inspired by it.... Rome wasn't built in a blah blah blah!