I've done my fair share of travelling - and still have the desire to do much more, but has it really changed the person who I am inside. I think it has…although, that could just be the travelling through time…I've matured as I've matured!
It's always a suspended moment in time when you chance upon an old travel diary, as I did earlier today. I've always been an avid keeper of diaries when we're away on holiday; including postcards, admit tickets, maps etc to remind me - a little like scrap-booking now I come to think of it (or as near as I'll ever get to doing scrap-booking!) I love re-reading them.
Reading a diary isn't just about remembering a place where you've been, what you did, what you saw etc it's about capturing a moment, the very essence of it - the emotions, the thoughts, the 'you' that used to be. I find the past 'me', quite fascinating to read. It's so interesting to see what things I thought worth writing about: how they made me feel, how I thought I should be writing and the language I was using, what feelings I'd had for my partner back then, what new discoveries I'd made (and the emotions that went with them.)
Just re-read my diary from our first trip to Australia - we later emigrated, but the seeds were planted form the very first day we were there.. How could I have known? It's not the memories of visiting the Opera House , Barrier Reef etc for the first time that are interesting to read, but the everyday relationships and my reactions to situations that I find so fascinating to look back on. And I was so insecure. I thought I was a pretty confident, outgoing leader at work, but it was funny that once I was back in the mix with certain individuals from my younger life, whom I'd always felt I didn't quite match up to, socially, financially, class-wise(?) - I immediately questioned myself and the way I acted. I'm not sure I still do that - I think time has taught me to be myself and I don't really care what people think anymore….I don't think.
I love to read the excitement I capture in my 'firsts' and the coy way I write about sex, as if I still expect my mum or someone to maybe read it one day! I love the steadiness of my Mr A and the way that even 25 years on, he's still my rock - been a pebble and even a boulder every so often, but generally a good solid rock. We've grown up together, shaped each other into becoming the people we are - and luckily I still like those people!
I have really detailed diaries from Thailand, Russia, Australia, France and Iceland, spanning about 10 years before kids. And then nothing! I guess the fact that I wrote about morning sickness at length in the last of my diaries show that having kids really did put a stop to the delicious time I made for myself to write. Well now those kids are off and out at school, I once more have that delicious time - and I'm really enjoying the luxury of beginning to write about me and mine again.
The floodgates are opened, the thoughts are flowing, the talking is done and now it's time to start acting.
I AM inspired - and this time, I've done my own inspiring!
