A change is better than a rest

For the first time in weeks, no months, I've actually felt a little bit of zip about me today. I've been so miserable and disinterested in everything. Been feeling really old and low and just not my usual self. Haven't written anything or even felt guilty about not writing anything forNot been getting much done and feeling like I have no time to do anything - but when I do really have time, I can't be bothered to do anything and manage to witter the time away pointlessly. More than ineffectual.

It should be such an wonderful time for me - Annie is on TV every week in the spelling bee and there are publicity events coming up here and there, which are very exciting. But it's only really now, the last couple of days, especially today, that I feel I am really a part of what's going on around me and living it....and loving it! I've got my pep back back and I'm raring to go, with so many ideas buzzing around that I've started writing lists (lots of them!)

So what's the impetus for this change of pace and spark? Well, it's made me realise that I really and a creature of change. Strap me down for too long and I don't strain at the leashes, I lie down, placid an give up - and that's rubbish Coll! Anyway, wave a waft of change at me, and I'm off. Like a whippet out of the blocks! (it's the Derbyshire lass in me.) 

Last time I felt like this was when I'd decided to stop teaching. I bought a computer, felt completely overjoyed with potential. Bought a new laptop and made the decision to go, go, go with my writing. Unfortunately it didn't happen. In fact Aidy lost his job the very next day. Which was somewhat of a bummer to say the least. But we moved on.

And I've felt like I'm slowly sinking. I didn't realise it. The decision to move to ESL teaching and go to Uni was my big decision of this year and I felt good about it - and still do. But it didn't give me quite the buzz that I'm getting now. So, what is it that's set the fire going in me? It's change. Big time change. And I really want it to happen. And I'm making it happen.

We're moving house and moving area and I'll need to move jobs and the kids'll need to move schools and there's SO much to do..........and I couldn't be happier!

I am a bit of a freak aren't I!?

I hadn't realised just how much I was stagnating and how unhappy I was until the possibility of something new came along. And I'm really happy and so full of joy at the possibilities that lie ahead.

I'm so positive right now - I really want to make this work!

Let's see how long it takes me until my next post!! :-)

Inspired at last!

Wow! There's a light shining bright in me - finally!
Spent the best part of the day thinking. Not much else, just thinking.....scribbling down notes, googling, scribbling out notes and thinking.

And I think I'm there. I think I've got the plot sorted for the children's story I've been sitting on for the last 2 years. Got to say, I'm pretty chuffed.

I've working out who I want to exist as the 'main' character, scrapped (twice) the idea of a dual narrative, worked out the 'twist' at the end and thought long and hard about motivation, relationships and character. It means I've pretty much got to start from scratch and rewrite what I've done so far, but I'm cool with that, and feeling really motivated to  make a fresh start. It's not ground-breaking, I don't think kids are going to be flocking to read it, but it means I'll put pen to paper and actually get on with something.

I've done so much reading of children's books, which I love, but every time I read something, I think to myself, "I could do this. What does this author have that I don't?" I'm sure I have the experience, the intellect, the patience and definitely the desire to create my own story. Truthfully, I even have the time, though I manage to fill it with so many other 'important' things! So (and I know I've said it before,) NOW is my time.

All I have to do now is write it!

A New Year

Happy New Year!

So it's the time for new beginnings, fresh starts, turning over a new leaf, out with the old in with the new......

Ridiculous really, that we wait for a particular day to say 'from now on I  will...' 

I guess we have something genetic or inbuilt that means we like things to be structured or ordered, from a beginning point to an end. This accounts for the frustration we feel when we set ourselves a target and don't achieve it. Our whole lives are structured, patterned, from start to finish, birth to death.

I get frustrated when things aren't finished or achieved. It's the niggling knowledge in the back of my mind that I wanted to get something done and didn't. It affects no one but me. Sometimes no one else even knows about it, but me. I'm hard on myself. I know I'm not the only one!

So, I don't want to harp on about all the things I wanted to achieve last year and didn't. Or wax lyrical about the things I'd like to achieve this year. I'm not going to list excuses and reasons for not getting myself sorted - I'm apologising to no one but myself, which is utter madness! 

I know what I want to do, I've been wanting to do it for years and years. I know, that at some point I will. I'm quietly confident and just need to get on with it now - in my own time, but get on with it!!

And that, is my first post for this year. A year, when I hope I'll start to make my dreams a reality. A very exciting year!

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