A change is better than a rest

For the first time in weeks, no months, I've actually felt a little bit of zip about me today. I've been so miserable and disinterested in everything. Been feeling really old and low and just not my usual self. Haven't written anything or even felt guilty about not writing anything forNot been getting much done and feeling like I have no time to do anything - but when I do really have time, I can't be bothered to do anything and manage to witter the time away pointlessly. More than ineffectual.

It should be such an wonderful time for me - Annie is on TV every week in the spelling bee and there are publicity events coming up here and there, which are very exciting. But it's only really now, the last couple of days, especially today, that I feel I am really a part of what's going on around me and living it....and loving it! I've got my pep back back and I'm raring to go, with so many ideas buzzing around that I've started writing lists (lots of them!)

So what's the impetus for this change of pace and spark? Well, it's made me realise that I really and a creature of change. Strap me down for too long and I don't strain at the leashes, I lie down, placid an give up - and that's rubbish Coll! Anyway, wave a waft of change at me, and I'm off. Like a whippet out of the blocks! (it's the Derbyshire lass in me.) 

Last time I felt like this was when I'd decided to stop teaching. I bought a computer, felt completely overjoyed with potential. Bought a new laptop and made the decision to go, go, go with my writing. Unfortunately it didn't happen. In fact Aidy lost his job the very next day. Which was somewhat of a bummer to say the least. But we moved on.

And I've felt like I'm slowly sinking. I didn't realise it. The decision to move to ESL teaching and go to Uni was my big decision of this year and I felt good about it - and still do. But it didn't give me quite the buzz that I'm getting now. So, what is it that's set the fire going in me? It's change. Big time change. And I really want it to happen. And I'm making it happen.

We're moving house and moving area and I'll need to move jobs and the kids'll need to move schools and there's SO much to do..........and I couldn't be happier!

I am a bit of a freak aren't I!?

I hadn't realised just how much I was stagnating and how unhappy I was until the possibility of something new came along. And I'm really happy and so full of joy at the possibilities that lie ahead.

I'm so positive right now - I really want to make this work!

Let's see how long it takes me until my next post!! :-)

Inspired at last!

Wow! There's a light shining bright in me - finally!
Spent the best part of the day thinking. Not much else, just thinking.....scribbling down notes, googling, scribbling out notes and thinking.

And I think I'm there. I think I've got the plot sorted for the children's story I've been sitting on for the last 2 years. Got to say, I'm pretty chuffed.

I've working out who I want to exist as the 'main' character, scrapped (twice) the idea of a dual narrative, worked out the 'twist' at the end and thought long and hard about motivation, relationships and character. It means I've pretty much got to start from scratch and rewrite what I've done so far, but I'm cool with that, and feeling really motivated to  make a fresh start. It's not ground-breaking, I don't think kids are going to be flocking to read it, but it means I'll put pen to paper and actually get on with something.

I've done so much reading of children's books, which I love, but every time I read something, I think to myself, "I could do this. What does this author have that I don't?" I'm sure I have the experience, the intellect, the patience and definitely the desire to create my own story. Truthfully, I even have the time, though I manage to fill it with so many other 'important' things! So (and I know I've said it before,) NOW is my time.

All I have to do now is write it!

A New Year

Happy New Year!

So it's the time for new beginnings, fresh starts, turning over a new leaf, out with the old in with the new......

Ridiculous really, that we wait for a particular day to say 'from now on I  will...' 

I guess we have something genetic or inbuilt that means we like things to be structured or ordered, from a beginning point to an end. This accounts for the frustration we feel when we set ourselves a target and don't achieve it. Our whole lives are structured, patterned, from start to finish, birth to death.

I get frustrated when things aren't finished or achieved. It's the niggling knowledge in the back of my mind that I wanted to get something done and didn't. It affects no one but me. Sometimes no one else even knows about it, but me. I'm hard on myself. I know I'm not the only one!

So, I don't want to harp on about all the things I wanted to achieve last year and didn't. Or wax lyrical about the things I'd like to achieve this year. I'm not going to list excuses and reasons for not getting myself sorted - I'm apologising to no one but myself, which is utter madness! 

I know what I want to do, I've been wanting to do it for years and years. I know, that at some point I will. I'm quietly confident and just need to get on with it now - in my own time, but get on with it!!

And that, is my first post for this year. A year, when I hope I'll start to make my dreams a reality. A very exciting year!

Coll

Teaching To Inspire?

My job is to educate, my passion is to inspire.

When I go to work, I need to remind myself that I am there to put in place the building blocks that will help children to become strong, resilient and enquiring adults who can thrive as a future generation.

Skills such as mental computation and spelling are important - but for tomorrow's generation, they certainly won't be as necessary. My computer alters most of my typing errors, underlines words for me that don't seem quite right, offers alternatives. Most people's phones, watches, PCs and who knows what 'gadget of the future' will calculate discounts, taxes and any other numerical needs. Most of us don't know more than 4 or 5 phone numbers or passwords anymore as our devices have learned them for us. Any fact we need (what's the capital of Greenland, who got the Oscar for Best Actress in 2014, which Queens did Henry VIII behead...) is now 'googled,' and answered in milliseconds, rather than rote learnt over much time.
When was the last time you used a paper dictionary, hand wrote something longer than a note, mentally calculated a string of numbers?

Are we teaching our future generation the skills they are going to need?
I have to teach children the skills they will need to perform jobs that haven't even been invented yet.
I need to teach my students skills to deal with things I know nothing of.

It's such a wonderful feeling to create an air of electricity in the classroom. To have children so excited about what they are discussing, that they are bursting with enthusiasm and can't wait to share their own opinions and experiences. It's wonderful to see so many 'lightbulb' moments, when a child realises with joy, that they've discovered something new to them.

The scope for individuality as a teacher and as a learner is narrowed every time the government creates another policy that stipulates curriculum requirements. However, encouragingly, much of the new curriculum is aimed at moving forward, towards tomorrow and away from traditional classroom practices. There's much mention of technologies,  the environment and sustainability. The problem is that there's just too much of it - so many subject areas, and with a stronger emphasis on social-emotional skills, self-reflection and student led reporting, there's just not enough time to do everything.

What then, I have to ask, is it most important to get done in the precious time I have with those children. What will they learn? What will they retain? What will they need to know? What will inspire thnt to make the new curriculum work for me, in my classroom? I want to give my children the opportunity to explore what interests them and present it in a way that builds their confidence and self-expression and gives them the opportunity to practice the skills they'll need to function in our future, as well as inspiring others around them.

Now, I'd better get down to some programming....

Old Ladies and Their Animals

Not really anything inspirational to say today, other than some rather lovely observations - the things you see when you actually take time to look!

And today it was "Pets."

I grew up surrounded by lots of pets. We always had dog, cat, shed full of finches, aquariums, canaries, rabbits, hamsters etc. And I'm very aware that my kids don't have the same experiences. They'd love to, but circumstances just don't make it work:

Firstly, we go overseas to visit relatives back in UK every year as well as an occasional holiday or camping trip. It just wouldn't be fair on the poor things to be put in kennels for all that time (especially for a dog - as I frequently point out to my eldest.) We have no family over here who could look after them and it seems a bit unfair to be constantly asking friends...especially if we still want them to be friends!

Secondly, and probably most importantly, I'm very allergic to pet hair now. Never was as a kid, but as I've got older the allergies have just skyrocketed. Especially with cat hair. Currently trying a course of immunotherapy injections, so maybe things will ease. We'll see.

We did get pet mice, but one died after about 3 months and the other one stinks and hides whenever the kids get near it!

Anyway, as I was out having an early evening power walk yesterday, (oh, so proud to  point out  that I did actually get off my arse!) I couldn't help notice the number of old people, no old ladies, who were out with their pets.

In the half hour I was out, I saw 5 old ladies (4 of them smiled at me!) and 5 pets.

What was so funny was that 4 of the 5 had dogs with them that resembled them in some way: either the colour of their fur/coat (see photo above!), the curliness of the fur/hair or the way they walked - seriously. Two of the little dogs were so hunched over, like their owners and were hobbling along/being dragged. One of them walked 10 paces or so, paused to get its breath and then shuffled on again...as did its owner.

It was so gorgeous - I'm definitely on 'dog watch' when I next venture out for a walk.

And what about the 5th old lady? Well she was sitting on her drive in her wheelchair, just soaking up the last of the evening light and saying hello to whoever strolled   power walked by. She was so sweet, clearly just wanting a bit of company. I'd love to get an Aussie-pseudo-gran for my kids.

And the final pet I saw?

Two beautiful tabby cats curled up on the doormat of their house, clearly waiting patiently for their owners to get back from work. I envisaged the fuss they'd make when they heard the car pull into the drive and how they'd rub against the owners legs, miaowing happily.

I wanted to put the lonely old lady and the two lonely cats together.

I'd love to have an adoptive cat that visited me when I needed company, but didn't depend on me in case I went away. I'm sure my kids would like that too.

There's a certain warmth, companionship and sense of the familial about owning  a pet. There should be a 'rent-a-pet' or 'pet-share' for the elderly or people like us, who just can't have one themselves.

And that's my observation for today!

Slipping Through My Fingers

"Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning 

Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile 

I watch her go with a surge of that well known sadness 

And I have to sit down for a while 

Slipping through my fingers all the time...."

My girls were aged about 1 and 3 when I first heard these lyrics - and I just couldn't stop the tears from flowing!
Hearing the song today, still causes my eyes to sting and I have to fight the urge to 'just have a good cry!'
I challenge any mother of a young girl to watch this clip and not feel emotional...

So it happened around 7 years ago. I'd decided that I deserved a break from 'just being a mum at home.' I needed a bit of 'me' time and  get out of the house, so I'd taken to going to the cheap night at the local cinema by myself while my man babysat the girls, aged about 2 and 6 months. Mamma Mia was one of those films he had absolutely no desire to watch whatsoever, and I love a good old musical.

I was happily chain-eating my over-sized carton of popcorn, thoroughly enjoying myself, when this song came on as Meryl prepares her daughter for her impending hen's night. I stopped, popcorn in hand and the emotion just flooded out of me. What a sight, a grown woman, sitting alone in a dark cinema, tears rolling down her face!

I guess I hadn't thought far ahead enough to contemplate the day that my little girls would be leaving me, showing their first vestiges of independence, no longer totally reliant on me. I certainly wasn't ready for it.

Anyone who has a baby or toddler can't really envisage their child being independent enough to go off to school and certainly not leaving home to start a 'grown-up' life of their own.

Well,  I had another 'emotional moment,' and had to swallow the lump in my throat this weekend. I found myself casting my mind back to 7 years ago and me, crying in the dark cinema.

I'd just sent my daughters, now 7 and 9 into BigW with a $10 to pick out a birthday card for a friend. "Make sure you check the change," I'd called after them. I turned round to pay for the coffee I'd just ordered from the mall coffee cart, glanced back over my shoulder, saw them entering the store, hand in hand, and  hesitated...should I go after them? 

What was I doing letting them go off on their own?

They looked so big and confident.....and yet still so little. Still my babies. Such good girls. Horrific scenes of them getting lost, being spoken to by strangers, falling and cutting open their heads, flittered through my mind...but no! I have to let go sometime - and that time was now.

I waited so anxiously for their return, it felt like forever. But sure enough, they came out of the store all smiles. They'd chosen a lovely card.

"I got the right money back," my eldest informed me, (oh, so grown up,) 

"Mum, can I keep some of the change to buy lollies?" (Boom! and there she is, my little girl again!)

I had to smile to myself.

I learned a lot from this day. They ARE growing up, I do have to let go, they need me to. But, as I keep telling them.... they'll always be my little girls.

And they're not slipping through my fingers, like sand in an hour glass. Their characters are being formed grain by grain, building them into the independent women I want them to be - confident in their individual sandcastles on the solid mother-daughter foundations we've made together.

A Lot of Leaves!

Just a perception.

Can't help noticing that gardening in Australia is much harder than in England. Ok, so things grow in England because of all the rain, but it rains a lot here too - and when it rains here, it REALLY rains!

I know that weeds grow....well, like weeds, in the good old English garden. And you can get quite a bin full. But here is Australia, the leaves never stop!

It's like there's no autumn 'fall,' it falls all year. There's always leaves or something to come off the trees - blossom, gum nuts, twigs (yes, we have weeks of 'twig' fallout!) and leaves. the pathways are never clear of something falling. It only ever looks 'tidy' for a day or so. Hence the phrase "The Constant Gardener?"

First world problem I know, and something that never worried me when I did live in England, as I don't think I ever did a day's gardening in my younger days, but, nonetheless, just a perception.